Shared Parenting Benefits: Balancing Enmeshed vs. Disengaged Family Systems

Do You Really Need a 211 Report?

A Brief desription

In family systems theory, we often describe families in terms of how connected—or disconnected—they are.

Enmeshed families are those where everyone is very emotionally close, sometimes to the point where boundaries become blurred. Independence can feel threatening, and children may feel pressure to stay aligned with one parent or one “side” of the family.
Disengaged (or detached) families, on the other hand, have the opposite issue: boundaries are so rigid that emotional closeness becomes limited. Relationships can feel distant, communication is often superficial, and it is easier for connections to weaken or break over time.

With that foundation, we can better understand why equal parenting time plays such an important role in children’s well-being.

Equal Parenting Time and How It Helps Regulate These Dynamics

Research comparing shared parenting arrangements (where children spend at least 40% of their time with each parent) to sole custody arrangements consistently shows better outcomes for children when time is more balanced. In more than 50 studies, shared parenting has been linked to:

Healthier relationships with both parents
Better academic performance and fewer behaviour concerns
Lower rates of anxiety, depression, and substance use
Higher self-esteem and greater emotional stability
A reduced sense of abandonment or “missing” one parent

The pattern is clear: as schedules move closer to a true 50/50 split, children tend to do better across emotional, social, and academic indicators compared to 70/30 or 80/20 arrangements.

How Equal Parenting Time Interacts With Enmeshment and Disconnection

A balanced schedule often works like a “systemic stabilizer”:

In enmeshed families, unequal parenting time (like long absences from one parent) strengthens fusion with the parent who sees the child more often. A 50/50 schedule helps loosen that fusion, supports autonomy, and reduces loyalty conflicts.
In disengaged families, reduced time—such as sporadic visits or 80/20 schedules—can quickly increase emotional distance. Equal time helps maintain meaningful presence, preventing the relationship with either parent from fading.

Daniel Mandelbaum

CERTIFIED FAMILY MEDIATOR – JUSTICE INSTITUTE OF BRITISH COLUMBIA

I discovered that I was born to mediate and collaborate, as I was – and still am – the individual that my friends and family call on to resolve any conflicts that may arise.